Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just invented taco cereal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Randomize
