and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
