So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
