I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
