Apparently you make a good broom.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
