I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
