we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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