Nicole vs. Life
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
