he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
