I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
