He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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