well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
