is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
