Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
