The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
