I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
