you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
