You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
