guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
