I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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