waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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