Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
