Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you get engaged???
You can't special order awesome
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
