Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
