i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
