Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
