I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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