She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
