well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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