i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
