He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
