Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
