There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she told me i tasted like america
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
