her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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