I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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