Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
please don't ironically join a cult
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