It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
