he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
