my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
