We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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