meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
