He kissed a someone with a penis
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
