I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
