there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
