I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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