Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
