OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
