it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
