I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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