YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
