If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
