Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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