a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
