I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
